Red Love Seat

New love, fast love
Airplane rides and spiraling kisses

Drinks and whispers,
Dim lights, loud laughs

New town, new baby, and a red love seat,
Flowers in a vase and on my pillow,
No money and lots of tears

Questions, confusion, and a red love seat,
Walks with wine and a stroller,
Baby food and growing up

Defeat, patience, and a red love seat,
A juice machine and new friends,
Rare date nights in the dark

Progress, a ring around my finger, and a red love seat,
A new car and new dreams,
Kisses and consistency

Me and my girl, me and my love, and a red love seat
Just starting out, trying to figure out what our life's about

I reminisce about it now, 
The dreams, the love, and the showing up,
And that red love seat. 


 

48 Hours

Good day, friends!

So, if you follow me on Instagram, you know I'm weird about it. Every few months I grow this ache inside me and feel the urge to just delete ALL social media and throw my phone into the ocean. I have yet to actually do that, but I'll proclaim that I'm leaving Instagram to experience the real world and then I come back a few weeks later, because I miss certain aspects of the virtual world, as well. The digital age is a weird one and it confuses me. 

Anyways, instead of just proclaiming I was leaving Instagram, I was like, "HEY! What about going through a whole weekend with NO phone, AT ALL!" Very basic idea that I thought was genius. So, I texted my husband trying to pump him up about an electronic-free weekend and he replied with a, "Let's do it!" 

So, Friday evening when he got home from work. We did it.

We turned our phones OFF.

When was the last time you even touched the power button on your phone? Turning my phone off felt so weird, which in turn, made me feel even more weird, like...WHY don't I EVER turn my phone off, ever?!  

So, they were off and I hid them in a drawer that we don't really ever go by. 

At this point, I thought we would feel strange and be itching to check everyone's updates. How can we go a whole weekend without knowing the latest news or new movement started or which long lost friend had a baby or got engaged? These are things we are always in-the-know about these days, so we must need to know them, right? 

Wrong.

You guys, the opposite happened. I didn't feel strange at all. I felt more alive, more connected, more relaxed, more productive, more everything! 

Saturday we had the most Instagram-worthy day and I didn't document ANY of it and it was divine! My family ventured into downtown Fort Worth and we went to this old, magical book store. We had never been to this bookstore, so we didn't know how to get there. This would have been an easy cop-out to bring our phones along for good ol' Google Maps. But you know what we did, we MapQuested it, on our home computer and wrote the directions on a little piece of paper and then we said, "We'll try our best and maybe find something cool if we take some wrong turns."  

So, were there wrong turns taken?

No!

Oh my gosh, you guys!! It was one of the most low-key, nice drives we've taken as a family in a while. We aren't actively on our phones in the car, but usually if we're leaving our little every day radius, I have Google Maps to help guide me to and from places. The thing I realized is, our actual brains are way more aware of directions, surroundings, and where the heck you need to go, if you actually have your brain on. I can guarantee you, if Google Maps was on, James and I would have bickered over a turn missed or a re-route or whatever! But our minds were open and on and we arrived to that bookstore on a breeze. 

The bookstore looked like a uniquely shaped attic, with stacks of books and the smell of old paper in every crevice of the building. I was in heaven. My husband read a book about guitars almost the whole time, my kids were touching everything (which I had to tell them to stop about 107 times, but they were so excited, it made me excited), I found a classic Hemingway novel in the prettiest of blues. We roamed around with child-like wonder for over an hour in that shop. No distractions; just books, my family, and using all five senses in every moment.

After that, we headed out to find some lunch. James said, "Hey, let's stop here and see what's in the area." Buuuut, we didn't have our phones, so we had to old-fashionedly walk around just stumbling upon restaurants to see what sounded good. Again, it was magical. We ended up at the cutest, locally owned cafe. We had the best sandwiches of our life, on a patio, with the breeze blowing through our hair, the ding of the trolley passing by, and the perfect shade cast from the historic buildings surrounding us. 

After that, we walked around, in no hurry and with nowhere to go or be. 

Saturday night we made dinner as a family and watched a family movie.

My whole Saturday felt like a long, relieved sigh of pure contentment.

Sunday was spent sleeping in, making breakfast together, and working on house projects. 

Again, I cannot remember the last time I felt SO rested and SO productive all in the same weekend. Doesn't it usually feel like one or the other? Almost like you have to choose, but apparently, you don't. You just need to free yourself from useless distractions ie. the cellphone. 

Sunday night we waited until we had to set our alarms for Monday morning to even turn our phones on. We were buzzing off of a fully, in-the-moment life high and I certainly wasn't ready for it to end. 

The biggest take away from 48 hours with no cell phone was the amount of TIME and ENERGY we use on those things. When I say that you probably automatically think about social media and that's a huge part of it, but ya know what else is a huge part; the texting and the constant awareness of time!

So, texting; we all feel OK texting all the time, because we're actually "communicating" with some one, but really, that texting is pulling you out of the moment that is right in front of your face and those moments are the most important ones. Even if it's a loved one. So, your loved one in the text is getting half of you, because you are not physically there and your loved ones with you are getting half of you, because you aren't mentally there. Do we really want to give half of ourselves all the time? To everybody? 

Not me.

I want to give 100% to people I am with. 

So, time; having your phone makes you SO aware of what time it is at all moments of the day. Walking around Fort Worth, we had NO idea what time it was and I can't even explain the kind of ease that brings you. Why on God's green Earth should we know what time it is at every waking moment?? It cuts long conversations short, it speeds up lovely strolls, and it deafens hearing ears. Who cares if the morning rolls into the afternoon, which rolls into the evening on a Saturday? ENJOY your moments without giving them time restrictions or filling them with guilt.

My last little realization is that "mindlessly" scrolling your feed takes actual energy. We act like it's a relaxing tool or a way to zone out, but what I found out is it actually takes a lot of brain power to keep up with all of that. Do you ever scroll through your social media and NOT have ideas, inspiration, or comparisons? Not likely. Your brain is TURNING, when you are scrolling. And for me, I have LOTS of things I want to use my brain power for and social media and a cell phone are not even close to my list of things I want to invest my time and energy into. 

So, friends, this is my challenge to you: GO 48 HOURS WITH NO CELLPHONE. Free yourself. Free yourself of time restraints, of "luxury" crutches (GoogleMaps, Whats In My Area, etc), of constant inundation. Shut it off. 

You really do deserve 48 hours of pure life. Please give yourself that.  

I think you'll find it is way more natural, fun, easy, and any other good adjectives, to actually be invested in the world around you, rather than the pocket world in your phone. 

Let me know if you do this!! I want to hear if you had any epiphanies, if it was super challenging, if it changed your life, etc.

Here's to the real world, friends! Always sending you love and light!! 

 

 

Ramblings From a Mom About Motherhood

I seem to know a few women who are preparing to give birth to their FIRST child. We all know, there is nothing like the first time, for anything really. It's so exciting and full of wonder! So, I wanted to write a very encouraging, very honest piece on motherhood. It's been a riveting, confusing, awakening, loving journey, that has driven me to almost complete insanity and these are my words for YOU! 

You might not even know if you want to be a stay at home mom or a mom and a professional.
 For me, I was so confused about if I even wanted to stay home or if I wanted to work. And if you're a mom in your twenties, I feel like it's triple-y confusing, because if you do want to work, you're still trying to figure out what the heck you even want to do with your life. There are lots and lots of emotions and confusions about staying home or working or both. I bartended, worked at a hotel, photographed, and started about a thousand other "businesses," trying to make my mark in the world outside of motherhood. It always ended in frustration and more confusion.

My oldest child is almost five years old and I feel like I'm finally making some headway on finding peace with where I want to be as a professional and being a mother. So, if you're in the same shoes, my advice is to sit tight. I was trying so hard to start a business that had no real plan, every day with my kids running around and I was just over extending myself for no reason and causing more frustration than needed. If I would have just sat tight, the answer would have just came to me. They always do. So, try to sit tight, squeeze that little one, and patiently listen to the world around you- it'll whisper when it's time to go and remember, it is OK to find and be some one outside of "mom."

The best thing you can do is set yourself free from other's judgements.
Seriously, you cannot make every one or any one happy when you are raising a child. I'm talking about family, friends, and strangers. I don't know what it is about our society, but lots of people seem to think they can do a better job raising YOUR child, than you can. So, before you even have your baby, mentally prepare yourself to let go of the judgement.

This has taken a while for me to learn, especially in places such as, Target. Ya know, when your kid is throwing a fit, because you said no to the $3 hat. You can just feel the eyes of judgement and "wow, she has no control over her kids," and the head shakes. I instantly turn red and it usually results in me being angry at my own child, which is so messed up. Stand firm, proud, and brave in your conviction of "NO HAT."  These are lessons our children need to learn, and accepting a "no," is an emotional lesson (how hard is it even now as adults?!) and sometimes, it's at the expense of the innocent Target shoppers, but they don't rule the world. Shake it off, and continue shopping and I promise your child will stop crying.

Also, older people think they know better about everything. I'm a firm believer in age and learning lessons and gaining wisdom. I'm more than happy to learn and take away life nuggets from people that have been on this planet longer than I have, BUT, parenthood is a personal journey and I'm here to say, the way people are raised has EVOLVED. So yeah, back in your day, you didn't do this or that, but can you even communicate your feelings now as an adult or encouragingly criticize? I have noticed a real issue with people in their 40's, 50's and 60's, being unable to express themselves in a healthy fashion. Now, more than ever, parent's realize how important it is to teach our children how to share their feelings, spend time with them, allow them to believe they can do ANYTHING they want, express themselves, even the "bad" feelings, and all these evolutions require a DIFFERENT kind of parenting.

I would hope parenting looks different than 20-30 years ago, or what are we doing as humans in general? So when you get the ol', "Back in my day...," just smile and know you are doing AMAZING and you're going to raise a human that can speak their truth and their feelings from a calm, centered place...eventually. 

Stay balanced.
This is such a fundamental key to life, and motherhood. It will be extremely hard to rip yourself away from the mothering role, because most likely, you will LOVE it. You will want to spend every waking second giving your children everything they want and need. I did this for a few years, and I was spent. Completely burned out--which is probably why I tried to start so many random business ideas. It was my cry for creative help and it burned me out even more. If I could have just had one hour a day to use my creativity, I would have been way more at peace. And the thing is, I did have an hour most days, but I spent it cleaning, cooking, or mindlessly scrolling Facebook and Instagram.

If you are a highly creative person or have an entrepreneurial mindset, I think its super important that you take the one hour during the day light and focus that energy into something that makes you feel happy. Even if that's researching how to open a daycare or coloring in an adult coloring book. Take that time to get your creative wheels turning. 

Nobody notices what you're doing at the grocery store.
The first time I went to the grocery store with my daughter, I was petrified and my thought process went something like this, "How do I put the carseat on the cart? Do I buckle it? Should I put the cover over the carseat so people can't see her? How fast do I push the cart? Crap, people are looking at me, they know this is my first baby and I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't even know how to grocery shop. Why am I here? I didn't even make a list. Oh crap, she's crying. I'm just going to head home." Seriously the scariness of being a brand spanking new mom is REAL. But I just want to tell you-- NO ONE is looking at you and if they are, it's because your baby is so dang precious and a fresh new human is the most miraculous beauty there is in the world and they want to stare and forget about how life has banged them up. Whatever way you carry your kid through the store, I'm sure you think it's the safest, most loving way, and you got it! You do you, boo boo. You are a great mother! You'll see! 

You WILL go crazy.
Honesly, I'm a mentally stable person and I've been pushed to and outside of my stable boundaries more than I'd like to say. Children will make you question your soul, why the universe exists and what your measly body is even doing with it's feet on the ground. They will question, cry, whine, fuss, scream, pout, roll around, love, laugh, squeal, wonder, and live BIGGER than anyone you have ever met, ever. They will crack you and what you used to think of life. It is maddening and the most beautiful, wonderful gift you will ever encounter.

The whole world will look more dangerous and brighter, than ever before. Motherhood is a one ticket ride to the loon house, but the good thing is, we're all here! So, don't try to hide your crazy. Be honest with it, and sit with it. Honesty opens up doors and connections and feelings of "we can do this together!" We're all doing our absolute best and loving the crap out of the little humans that make us question our sanity on the reg. This is motherhood. 

Be kind to yourself.
Always. Especially in motherhood. Some days, you're going to go out there and conquer everything. The laundry will be folded and even put away, dinner made, you played outside, did art projects, ran errands, exercised, and the house is cleaned by the time the kids are in bed. Other days, you won't get out of your pajamas, it will be a movie day and it won't even be raining outside. This is the way of the world. So, those off days, show yourself some grace and know, your children love you just the same and you should love yourself just the same, too.

To wrap it all up, new (or seasoned) moms- find what your heart says about work and motherhood, strive for balance, don't let the judgement of others weigh on you, walk with pride in your motherhood newness and learning as you go, and know, you are not alone in the crazy, crazy unimaginable, unconditional love you feel for your child, that makes your heart and mind want to explode.

Oh, and HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, to the warriors of the every day. The every day, mundane, little bits, that add up to a childhood, that add up to a thriving human being. Happy Mothers Day to you! 

 

 

Black Pants and Non-Slip Shoes

That was it, I said
I hung up the apron
And left it for dead

I was free
No more refills
And drunken eyes batting at me

So proud of myself
I had risen above
I was taking the chance
Giving myself the shove

They said I'd grow wings
In no time, I'd be flying
All you had to do was leap
The Universe rewards this brave kind of trying

I was free
I tried
And tried again
Only finding more confusion from within

The dreams were ever big
The dividends ever small
This journey wasn't triumphant
But a slow, slow crawl

A crawl back to my shell
Where the "real world" engulfs me
And the creative peace-maker never prevails

Making ends meet
With a fake smile
And my hair in a bun
A view that leaves the true me stunned

My dreams put on the highest shelf
My nose ring in a drawer
I go back to what I was before

Just a girl with big dreams
Too scared to pursue
A girl with big dreams
Wearing black pants and non-slip shoes.


Ramblings on the writing: Though this piece may sound a little hopeless, I have yet to give up hope on my big goals and dreams. I am not scared of hard work and am willing to do what needs to be done to get my family by over the next few months, but in the back of my head it's a mark as a small failure to have to put this uniform on again. It's all a journey and I feel like I'm gearing up for the biggest changes and steps forward yet. So, cheers to growth, hard work, keeping our eyes on the life we dream of, and the sacrifice it takes to get there! -Skye